Canadian Vacation - A Great Beginning

Arrived yesterday after 13.5 hours of flying from Auckland to Vancouver. I managed to score a row to myself and so was able to actually stretch* out for the night. When I arrived in Vancouver yesterday mid day, I was actually reasonably well rested. :)

My awesome sister Nicole was waiting for me when I emerged from customs and collecting my bag, bearing gifts of a chocolate dip donut and a salted caramel mocha. Both were appreciated (and consumed) on the ride back to her house. There's no picture of the first donut as the frosting had attached to the side of the bag. I'll try to snap another chocolate dip when I get a chance so that I can complete the set.

After dropping my stuff off, we went for a walk to the mall near her place to get a SIM card for my phone and to just stretch out my legs from the journey. The trail across the road from her house had that sign you see below. Apparently the bear was breaking into the rubbish shed at her building. I've gotten used to there being no large mammal predators(other than humans) ... I'm not in middle-earth any more! 

*as much as you can stretch out when you're limited to three seats on a plane.

SQL PASS Summit 2012

Only 4 more sleeps until I get on the first plane that will ultimately bring me 12,000 km away to Seattle for the PASS Summit. I'm really looking forward to it. My first two passes through the schedule have seen me squeal with delight as I see so many topics of interest.

In my day job, I don't have a specific focus. I'm not a DBA or a developer or a BI person or a "data scientist" (I hate that title) or any of the usual labels. They all seem to apply depending on the time of day. As a result, I'm just as interested in the half day session on query performance tuning as I am on the advanced PowerPivot and PowerView things. And don't get me started on the SSIS stuff. There are so many things I want to absorb ALL THE INFORMATION on.

I'm sure that if I was able to clone 2 more of me, I could almost go to all the sessions I would like to.

I'll try to post some summaries here of the things that I pick up as I go.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Happy.

Such a simple word. Such a minefield.

What does being happy even mean? I looked up happiness on Wikipedia. The definition was listed as “Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.” 

The last conversations I had with my ex were about happiness. The first happened on the 6^th anniversary of our move to NZ. We’d been separated for almost 3.5 years at that point and he asked me if I was happy. I thought about sending him a flip “yep” and being done with it. In the end, I sent him a slightly longer answer of yes and some of the reasons that I was happy with the life I have. I wouldn’t say that I am living a life of intense joy, but I am content. 

The last conversation was a little angrier (see my previous blog post). His feeling is that every person’s happiness comes at the cost of someone else. And so he wished me joy in mine knowing that it came at the cost of his. 

That conversation rolls around in my head. First of all, he has rewritten a lot of history to come to that conclusion and I can understand wanting to lash out and blame everyone else for your problems instead of taking responsibility for the choices you make. On the other hand, though, is he entirely wrong?

I don’t mean that we need some sort of Schadenfreude in order to be happy. Think about the decisions you make in your life in the pursuit of your own happiness. Do you always take into account how it will affect the others around you? 

It’s something I’ve been wondering lately. I’ve definitely made some selfish decisions over the last 4 years. Some of those choices, I’m not proud of. Others, though, I wouldn’t change at all, even though some people were hurt as part of the decision. At what point do I admit that (sometimes) when I snatch some happiness into my life, I’ve grabbed it from somewhere / someone else? 

Of course, I know that some happiness just comes. If it’s a lovely sunny day and I get a glow of joy from the feeling of the warmth on my skin, nobody gets hurt from that. What about the choices that do / will / could hurt others? If I know in advance, does it make me a bad person to take a little joy where I can find it? What criteria make it less “evil”? These are the things I ponder.

In the end, perhaps happiness is just an illusion. Fortunately, I like illusions.

Irreconcilable Differences

He said: "I gave up everything when you left. I hope you're happy." She said: "I gave you everything when we were together and lost myself trying to make you happy. Now I make _me_ happy." And with that, a story that occupied 21 years of their lives reaches closure. Fin.

On turning 40

My first milestone birthday was 13. I'd truly be a teen then. For my birthday, I got a facial and a makeup lesson. My mom had a rule, I couldn't wear makeup until I'd been shown how to wear it properly. I'm not sure how many years I continued to make myself up every morning, might not have even lasted 1, but I learned that less is more and I didn't look like a whore when I wore it.

And then there was my sweet 16. I had friends over and watched movies IIRC.

Next came 19, when I could legally drink. My mom, 2 aunties and my friend Melissa, who had turned 19 in August, took me to a bar when midnight rolled over so they could buy me my first legal drink. The teacher from my former high school that I had a huge crush on was playing there with his band. They played happy birthday and Michelle by the Beatles. I had a rye and ginger I think (cc dry for my kiwi readers).

When I turned 20, I broke up with my negligent not-really-boyfriend and had the best birthday with by BFF Anthony who invited another university friend Dan out to join us for drinks. We went to the Jolly Friar where a group of old high school mates, including my ex-bf (but still friend), turned up. The evening ended with shots and cake at Casey's on Great Northern Road. Was my favourite birthday so far (and was half a life time ago).

After that, I met a guy, who soon became my husband. We spent 17 years together in total, and none of the birthdays really stand out. As you can guess, that ended in separation (shortly after anniversary 15).

The first birthday post separation - this was an interesting one. My social circle was really small. That birthday, I treated myself to a movie and dinner consisting of popcorn. Went to see 500 days of Summer which I hadn't really researched in advance and thought was a light RomCom. Turned out it wasn't, but I still enjoyed it, while wondering if it would be the first of many lonely birthday parties.

The second one was better. I had friends of the single and married and loved up varieties. I had recently come home from my sister's wedding and gathered some friends to celebrate another year passing and the beginning of my final 30-something year.

Now I'm sitting here on the sofa curled up with the worlds best dog on my birthday eve. I've been reflecting on my existence the last few days and have to admit that I'm actually quite happy with the life that I have. I have some amazing friends and family, I live in an awesome city, and I make money doing something that really interests me. My life may not be perfect, but it is perfect for me.

And so, as my 40th birthday approaches, I just want to say thank you to those who have become such integral parts of my life. I love you and I feel blessed. xx

Ranting about shopping

On more than one occasion, I have hit up against the hard rock of my parents wanting to buy me a present from a multinational company, and being unable to.

Lush Cosmetics is one of the places who have products that I adore. (I see that their site has been hacked. Oops). My mom tried to order me a gift basket from them a couple of years ago. When she got to the checkout, she went to put in her billing details, but it wouldn't let her use a non-NZ address. Their answer: You just can't.

Apple is the other one. My dad wanted to buy me an iPad last year for my birthday*. No amount of permutations or combinations would allo him to actually purchase me one on his credit card. I called customer service, and the guy I spoke to didn't think it would be a problem, until he actually tried it. Total fail. In the end, my dad transferred the money to me and I ordered it. Pain in the ass, and ruins any surprise there might have been.

I was browsing the easter sale on the Kathmandu web site, and looked to see if they have the same problem. They do. Why? I'd love to be able to say to my parents that Kathmandu gift certificates would be an awesome present (they would). But they can't order them.

I'm limited to Amazon to be able to provide them with an easy place to get me a gift cert. Curiously, I have ordered gift certificates from a Canadian book retailer for my sisters using my NZ credit card without any trouble. On my first order on the card, they contacted me for further verification details and then, no problems.

Maybe I'm missing something. Is there a reason why retailers in NZ don't / won't allow out of country people to order from their site? I've got to think that there would be a good market for such a thing given the number of migrants in this country? If you know of a company that does allow out of country buyers to ship internally, please let me know! I'm happy to reward them with purchases. :)

* Yes, I am spoiled. I'm comfortable with that.

Broccoli salad (for Cipri)

2 heads of broccoli, cut into small pieces (I just use the flowers, but feel free to throw a little stem in there)
2-3 spring onions chopped
1/4 cup (give or take) of sharp cheese (I used a 6 yo cheddar last time and it was delish)
4-6 slices of bacon fried crispy and broken into pieces

Dressing:
1 cup mayonnaise
1 tsp sugar (to taste really)
1 tbsp vinegar

mix in a large bowl and toss with dressing.